I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
