Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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