You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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