Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
