let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
