what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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