he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
