found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
