dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
