a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm passing your future prison.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
