I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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