We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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