Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She announced her abortion via fbk
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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