just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
