i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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