You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
