i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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