you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
