Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
