when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
