She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
