My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well I just put wine in my tea
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
