just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
