Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
