After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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