Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
