Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
