I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
