If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
