Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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