i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
