I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm both gender and math confused
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
