I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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