I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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