after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
