I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
