God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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