i just had sex bonerless
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
