I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
