Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
