So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
