I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My life is pants optional.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
