After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
