Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
