I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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