wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
