hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Pants are for mortals
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