Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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