I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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