Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
