Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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